Unapologetically Me, Unapologetically Sie

Yeah, that’s what I went through in 2023. A true ego death. No one talks about the depth of pain you encounter while shedding who you thought you were (which was actually a bunch of traits and desires you picked up throughout your education and trying to mold yourself into what society deems as a successful 20-something) to actually become who God made you to be and who you are at your core.

The Shift.

At the age of 22/23, I received everything I “thought” I desired. I had just graduated from one of the top HBCU’s, secured a job working for one of the top 3 Fortune 500 companies in the world, and lived in the heart of Washington, D.C. in a high-rise luxury apartment. I thought I had it all. Boy was I wrong lol.

I struggled to understand why after receiving all of the things I desired, I still was not fulfilled. My anxiety and depression increased tremendously. I struggled to meet new friends in the area. I had the worst romantic relationship experiences. Lastly, I thoroughly disliked my job and could not get past many blocks I encountered while trying to “climb the corporate ladder.” As a perfectionist, I genuinely could not fathom why nothing was working for me even though I was putting in the effort.

It wasn’t until April 2023 that God forced me to look inward. He asked me (and by asked, I mean I had a thought that was much louder than usual lol), “Sierra, are these actually your desires or is this what society told you was true happiness and success so you forced yourself to resonate with this as well.” It shocked me and made me take a look at myself, my job, the people in my life, and what I was tolerating in the name of capitalism.

The Realization.

I realized that I was severely unhappy and unfulfilled. I realized that I had no desire to climb the corporate ladder and actually don’t even really like mundane 9-5 work (or working at all for that matter but hey, we got bills to pay lol). I realized that I was holding onto friendships for the sake of “history” even though they were insanely unreciprocated and did not add additional value into my life. Lastly, I realized that although everything I had was “top-of-the line,” it didn’t bring me joy.

After having these epiphanies and revelations, I said the one prayer that you absolutely should NOT say unless you’re ready to be completely uprooted. “Dear God, please remove all the people, places, and things that do not serve me and replace them with everything that truly aligns with who you have made me to be.” No one really warns you that this prayer is the most painful yet most rewarding and to hold onto the edge of your seat.

During this time, God taught me about unconditional love, forced me to heal my people-pleasing tendencies, and enforced the importance of healthy boundaries and standing on them (if you’re struggling with any of this, I 100% recommend reading this book that quite literally changed my outlook on life and my relationship with The Most High). I ended old “situationships,” set boundaries with or simply cut off long-term friends, and learned to love myself as God loves me. I learned that I am worthy, valuable, and deserving of unconditional love and being treated well simply for who I am and not what I bring to the table.

The Unravelling.

Another major prayer of mine went something like this: “Lord, I really don’t like my job. I want to leave but I don’t have the means to do so. Please help me.” I knew my job wasn’t making me happy and I wasn’t passionate about it at all. However, I didn’t have enough money saved to leave and I had absolutely no idea what else I wanted to do. On top of that, the tech industry was on a hiring freeze so I decided to stay put for the meantime.

I thought everything was going pretty well for a minute until the week of my 24th birthday (if you’re into astrology, this was interesting to me considering it was the transition from my 12H to my 1H lol). In a matter of 7 days, my long-term friends showed their true colors, I had hit an all time low in my mental health and worst of all, was placed on a PIP at my job.

So if you’re anything like me, when you heard anyone say something about a PIP it sounded like being fired. It’s actually not that at all lol. It’s a Performance Improvement Plan that gives you the opportunity to either stay and improve in a specific area (in my case, I needed a few more calls a week) or to take severance pay and leave the company willingly.

Although I knew this, I was devastated. Again, as a perfectionist, it truly bruised my ego. I was feeling defeated until I heard God say “Sierra…you prayed for a way out of your job, I gave you that plus 4 months of pay and you’re upset?…make it make sense.”

The Leap.

Of course my family wanted me to stay, thug it out, etc., but I knew in my heart that this was the answer to my prayer and my chance to leave. So I put in my two week notice on my 24th birthday and took a leap of faith into the unknown (quite literally since I had no plan or other job set up). I decided to trust God to lead my steps into the next chapter of my life and provide for me during this temporary time of uncertainty.

The Alignment.

Now I’ll be honest with you, I made plans and God certainly did laugh…hysterically. However, since making my decision and taking a step out on faith, I’ve travelled internationally 4 times in six months, fallen in love, started a business, aligned with my heart’s desires, and felt more free and fulfilled than I ever have in all of my 24 young years.

Was the transition hard? Absolutely. Do I know exactly what I’m doing and where I’m headed? Not at all. But I think that’s the best part…my faith has increased and I’m confident that God’s got me.

I created Unapologetically Sie for those who want to feel seen and understood all while receiving reassurance and inspiration from someone who’s willing to take the risks without gatekeeping the wisdom.

Life is meant to be lived, enjoyed, and experienced. If you’re scared, live through me. If you’re on the fence, read about me. If you’re also ready to take the leap, follow me.

I promise you’ll want to remain connected as I document this beautiful life God gave me, unapologetically.